Saturday, November 7, 2009

Pagin Doctor Quackaloon

For your sure-fire way ta make damn-dee certain of your vitamin D needs, even though the research is crystal clear that tannin beds cause skin cancer, buy Dr. Mercola's tanning bed! He's knocked a full $1225 right off the cost of your death bed. That's right, soak in the vitamin D and you increase your chance of skin cancer! Not to worry, though, cuz, ya will be a right brown cancer patient. Can I get a dumbass? And all for the low, low, low price of $2997. Damn fool is what ya are if ya buy that.

Lookee here,Thelma gets the whole idea of the internet bein a grand way ta learn about all sorts of things. Why ain't I been usin it to good avail ta find out more about the dumbasses that abound out there in the world and use the internet ta spread their particular variety of crazy woobatness?

Ya know what else tha internet is grand for? Conmen. Ya hear me. Wherever the dumbasses are, conmen are bound ta be as well. An lordamighty, this alternative medicine quackery is right full of it. Now, I ain't sayin Mercola is a con man, lordy no. Sure'n he ain't. Full of woo and the crap and the buy my product mayhap. But nah, sure an he be a true believer. Why watch his videos, he ain't quite got that informercial look ta him. Not yet anyway.

Tryin ta convince people ta part with three grand of their money for their own tannin bed even as he says best way ta get the vitamin D is ta get out in the sun, now that ain't connin anyone is it?

Now, Mercola has this seal of approval thing, the Vitamin D Council stamp of approval on it, so I went a searchin for it. When I google the Vitamin D Council, this pops up: Lookee, it's an org ending, so it has ta be reputable, righteeoh? Sure an it is. Who'd doubt that, darlins? Mh-hmm. Is what I'm sayin. There's a link ta some tannin systems ifn you're worried about the vitamin D toxicity. Click on the link, darlins! And where is ya at? Ya gots it! Mercola!

Do some more diggin on this Vitamin D Council and ya see they even got a vitamin D theory on autism. Kidya not.

Now this Vitamin D Council is a non-profit organization, it says so. And it solicits donations. Whatever the hell for, Thelma, despite my prodigious and formidable powers of insight, ain't got no idea why a fool would support a site that sends ya to Mercola for a tannin bed, to some guy names Sorenson ta buy his book on how Vitamin D will cure all that ails ya, or ta its own store that will sell ya 65 dollar test kits ta see if ya are low on the vitamin D.

Lordamighty, take ya damn laptop on outside and sit on ya porch ta read this, get ya some vitamin D and some edification at the same time, is what I say.

Mighty damn suspicious is what it all is and gotta love the it's all the vitamin D deficiency explaining the autism: "The theory that vitamin D deficiency, during pregnancy or childhood, causes autism is just a theory. However, the theory has a plausible mechanism of action, explains all the unexplained facts about autism, subsumes several other theories, implies simple prevention, and is easily disprovable—all components of a useful theory."

Hah and hell's bells, don'tcha reckon Kim'll run with this when she sees it?

Now, what I'm gettin ta, is this here little Vitamin D Council which has given the tannin bed a stamp of approval ta Mercola an a link back is more than a bit hokey.

It's takin a real issue, folks gettin enough Vitamin D so that their bodies will have the right amount of calcitriol, which helps calcium absorption (ain't the legite use of google an amazin thing?), and messin it all ta hell to put out some crazy ass theories an piggybackin back to Mercola ta line his pockets. Cuz, lordy, dontcha just reckon if ya will stay an spend three grand on a tannin bed cuz of that stamp of approval, you'll stay a bit longer an buy some other stuff as well.

Beware doctors who are tryin ta sell ya shit, is what I'm sayin. An Mercola is tryin ta sell ya a whole bunch of shit. In more ways than one. An if ya are a buyin inta it, ya might just be misinformed, but if ya stick around long enough and engage them brain cells up there, ya otta be able ta see a hookncrook man. An if ya don't, if ya stick, an accept his brand of woo, an lordamighty, buy his products, sure ya are jus tryin ta be healthy an proactive, but ya is still a class-A dumbass.


Louise said...

Thelma my girl! Ya rounded up another dumbass! That for true! I figure I got enough "D" in my bodashuss bosom alone! Tannin beds! Good lord an a side 'o carcinoma!

Roger Kulp said...

I gots all kinds o them deficiencies.Vitamin D,calcium,MB12, Vitamin A,and lots more.With all the work I do out in the yard workin' on my lil' ol' bonsai trees I get plenty o' sunshine.I had knock kneed rickets for years.

Where does it go?

Right out the old dumbass.It's called malabsorption darlin'.Do some more Google work.

Louise said...

Roger sugah, darlin boy, no matter what anyone says causes autism-you has it! Iffen y'all had bothered ta read Thelmas words ya wouldn't a made tha dumbass comment ya did..dang it all, ya just can't pass up an opportunity ta talk about your poop an whatnot! ya certainly aint got a deficiency there! Thats for damn true!

KWombles said...

Why, Roger, then I'm certain Dr Mercola and his tanning bed can fix you right up. Oh, wait, that wouldn't, would it? Well, maybe your DAN doctor can fix that for you. It's probably yeast causing your leaky gut syndrome, and if you just get the right combination of antigfungals, you'll be able to get a major die off of yeast. You'll feel worse, first, of course. And you're going to need to do a complete elimination diet, naturally, to deterimine what's causing your intestinal walls to let all the nutrients right on out instead of absorbing it properly.

Woo, I've walked in the middle of it, verily I say unto you, have read most of it, and walked right on out the other side. I can quote it like the gospel, Roger; I know the tamer side of it well. I know the research on the darker side of it.

You undoubtedly do have deficiencies if your diet is inadequate. And vitamin D deficiencies can cause significant problems. Like calcium deficiencies. So, fix those issues through diet and supplementation.

I believe you've missed Thelma's point. That's okay, though, as at this point, I'm pretty certain that's par for course for you.

I wonder, is it a failure to really comprehend, Roger, or is it that you don't know how to relate to other people in any way other than being an ass unless you're being a sycophant? I know, you're less than thrilled with the AoAers, so you go around and badmouth them, yet you also find the time to go be friendly to them. I find that two-faced Roger. I really do. At least your consistent with Thelma, LBRB, and me, for that matter.

I think, Roger, that you're an ass, much like Lurker, much like Jonathan, much like Best. After all, those are the blogs you follow. I think the company you keep is atrocious. And I do believe that I will decide from now on to view you within the frame of that company and interpret your comments as intended solely to get a rise out of the blogger rather than offering information or the opportunity for discourse. I think, that when it comes to my blog, I'll handle you the way I've decided to handle the other two.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if other bloggers decide to do the same, Roger. What a shame, as it didn't have to be that way, but who needs to deal with asses all day?

Thelma said...

Roger, boy howdy, but ya jus cain't help it, can ya? Ya just got the verbal diarrhea, for dang sure.

Well, Kim's right, sometimes an ass is just an ass. I do reckon I said that at some point and she's borrowed it. Or maybe Louise said it. Point is, it's damn true.

Ya get issues, fella, big uns, an autism ain't the largest, not by half.

So, we gonna do the ole freeze out. Ifn ya cain't not be an ass, we gonna delete ya cold and pretend ya tweren't even here.

Reckon ya will have ta decide what's more important ta ya-- shittin on folks or havin the opportunity ta have some friends. Either way, tis sure right enough up ta ya damn fool ass ta decide.

An since ya seem ta be havin a fair amount of clarity lately, Roger, I reckon ya understand fine what we is all sayin ta ya.

Christopher Pike said...

Roger is not logical. He is also not nice. I bet Scotty would fix him fast and with only a few of the dilithium crystals that he needed.

Clay said...

Roger should give himself a regular coffee enema, about a pint each morning should do it. No cream, no sugar, but plenty warm!

Marc said...

Um, there are MUCH better ways to deal with vitamin D issues. Those boxes designed to mimic sunlight work wonders, and address other vitamin D-related issues like Seasonal Affective Disorder (and are WAY cheaper than a worthless tanning bed!). I'd also recommend easing up on the fluorescents wherever possible, and wearing shades when you must endure them.

KWombles said...

Marc, the point was tanning beds was ridiculous and dangerous. :-) I don't believe anyone other than Roger, perhaps, was in favor of them. I was being sarcastic.

Marc said...

Kim, that advice WAS for Roger, though I highly doubt he'll take it. Also, new article!

KWombles said...

Shew. :-) Will come read the new article!

Corina Becker said...


I posted something similar on Kim's blog, that my family starts taking vitamin D supplements in the winter, on account of seasonal depression running high in the family.

While it certainly helps with depression, I have yet to see it "treat" me being autistic.

Also, I believe this is the guy that claims that too much Vitamin D won't hurt you, right?
Ha. No.
Too much of anything, even if it's good for you, will hurt you. Even kill you.
oh the dumbasses.

llewelly said...

Does tanning bed woo remind anyone else of the revigorator ?
I know, tanning beds are UV radiation, rather than alpha radiation. Nonetheless.
(See also radium cures.)